


A Rough Night

by JustBecause86



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24690973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustBecause86/pseuds/JustBecause86
Summary: How do you explain to the person you love why you can't sleep at night? Or why, when you do sleep, it almost always ends up with a middle of the night wake up call and tears?
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 5
Kudos: 134





	A Rough Night

**Author's Note:**

> Mention of PTSD but should not have any triggers in this.

Kara wasn’t sure how long she had been asleep when she feels herself pulled from sleep by movement on her left side. She doesn’t have to open her eyes or even wake all the way up to know what the movement is. 

Without another thought Kara opens her eyes and sees exactly what she knew she would. 

Lena, sitting up in bed, hands held to her face, her shoulders moving in a motion that Kara has become familiar with over the past few months. Kara had felt ashamed that it had taken her so long, all that time as friends, late nights together talking about hopes and fears and dreams and it had never crossed Kara’s mind that the beautiful woman in front choose to spend her nights awake for any reason other than the conversation.

Slowly, making sure not to startle the woman beside her, Kara sits up in bed. Bringing her knees up to rest her arms on she watches Lena for a moment in the darkness of the room. The first time it had happened was only the third time they had spent the night together. Kara had still been living in bliss, her and Lena had finally admitted their true feelings for each other, and everything had been falling into place. 

There weren’t many nights anymore where Kara stayed at her apartment. She and Lena had talked about it one night, while Kara had been at her place alone and Lena was at hers, also alone. Lena had texted and asked if she could call and of course Kara had said yes. They’d talked and Lena had admitted that she was lonely, and Kara had laughed. 

She’d hurried to explain that she wasn’t laughing at her but at the fact that she too had been sitting alone in her apartment feeling lonely. That was the night they had decided that they had waited long enough to spend the night together and that it was silly for them to be spending nights alone when they could be spending that time together.

“Lena, sweetheart,” Kara says in a low voice, “are you back with me?”

To some it may sound like a silly question but to anyone living with someone who suffered from things like PTSD and night terrors it was a question that made the night go better for the both of them. 

Lena nods and Kara hears the sound of a sniffle, so she gently lays a hand on the center of her girlfriends back. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kara asks gently, already knowing the answer before Lena begins shaking her head. She never has and Kara won’t push her. Whatever it is that makes her girlfriend wake up in the middle of the night in tears is still something Lena hasn’t found a way to talk about. 

“Ok,” Kara says in a whisper, leaning over and placing her head gently on Lena’s shoulder. She had learned early on that on nights like this just the feeling on Kara next to her seemed to help Lena and sure enough, after a moment, she feels the woman beside her start to relax. 

“I’m sorry,” Lena manages just a whisper and Kara can hear the tears still in her voice.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Kara reassures her turning her head enough to place a soft kiss on the bare skin of her girlfriend’s shoulder. 

“You need to sleep,” Lena answers a bit stronger now.

“I got sleep,” Kara reasons with a shrug that makes Lena chuckle just slightly.

“You know what I mean,” Lena replies and Kara thinks she hears just the faintest of smiles in her voice. 

“There are things more important than sleep,” Kara answers with a sigh as she starts running her fingers up and down Lena’s arm. “Like making sure my wonderful girlfriend knows she’s not alone anymore.”

Lena stays silent for a moment after that, Kara giving her whatever time she needs, before Lena turns just enough to be able to look at Kara.

Even in the dark room Kara can see the hesitation and fear in Lena’s eyes as she takes a deep breath and lets it our slowly. 

“I’ve lost a lot of people,” Lena says, her voice shaking as she speaks, “and you’d think by now I would have gotten used to it but I haven’t,” the last word barely making it out of her mouth before her throat closes up on her and she shakes her head.

“Oh sweetheart,” Kara says, feeling her heart break, “I don’t think that’s something anyone really gets used to.”

“I know it doesn’t surprise me anymore,” Lena continues shaking her head again, “when I lose someone. I expected it now. The thing is, for the most part I can manage,” Lena looks away and bites her lower lip. “I can spend my days working and pretending like it doesn’t bother me, like its not eating me up inside. I can pretend that the pain isn’t there but that’s just during the day.”

Kara knows Lena has more to say so she stays quiet, continuing to run a comforting hand up and down her back as they wait for Lena to find the words she needs.

“The problem is at night,” Lena finally manages with a tense voice, “When I finally lay down and let myself try to sleep, try to rest.” Lena wets her lips with her tongue before looking back at Kara and continuing, “That’s the worst. That’s when I can’t keep them out of my brain.”

“This is why you work so late,” Kara says in a whisper.

Lena nods, “It’s not every night but most nights. I see them, all of them, and I watch them die. Again, and again, night after night.” Lena huffs out a short laugh which contains no humor and looks down, “It’s like my mind won’t let me forget that I’m responsible.”

“You’re not,” Kara says, shaking her head before the last word had even left Lena’s mouth, “You’re not the reason any of those things have happened. You aren’t the reason they aren’t here anymore.”

“Then why is it people keep dying around me?” Lena asks, looking back up with a pleading in her eyes Kara had never seen before. “What is it that no matter what good I do, the people I care most about keep dying?”

“I, I don’t know,” Kara stammers at a loss for words. 

“You know what’s worse than all that?” Lena asks, her eyes blurring again with tears, “What I’m most frail of now is that it’ll happen with you.”

When Kara looks confused Lena continues, “I’m scared, terrified, that I’m going to lose you the same way I lost all them and I don’t think I can handle watching you die over and over again in my dream. I don’t,” Lena stops as her voice breaks.

At the Kara wraps her arms around Lena, pulling her into her arms and holding her tightly against her chest and she can feel Lena crying against her.

“That’s not going to happen,” Kara says not sure where her confidence comes from but knowing it deep down, “I’m not going anywhere. You, you are stuck with me for a really, really long time.”

She feels Lena chuckle through the tears and nod slightly against her, wrapping her arms around Kara and pulling her in even closer. 

After a moment they move so that they are once again laying down n bed. Kara’s arms still wrapped protectively around Lena and Lena’s arm wrapped around Kara’s waist. 

“I'm sorry,” Lena says again into the silence a few minutes later.

“Don’t be,” Kara tells her, tightening her arms around her, “Ive got you, no matter what.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> As I'm sure many of you know I haven't posted anything in a month or so. I wish I could give you a good reason besides the fact that I'm swamped and that I feel basically brain dead on most days. This may be, at least partially, why.  
> This is fairly close to a conversation I had with my wife in the past few weeks. This is a real thing that real people live through and it makes it hard to go about everyday life sometimes. I'm not trying to use it as a defense or excuse, I just want everyone to know and understand what living with PTSD can feel like sometimes.   
> Writing has always been my salvation, a place I can turn to when things become too much and I hope to be able to get back to it soon. Thank you all for sticking with me.


End file.
